That Really F**#@n Hard Stuff

Thirty-Three. Thirty-Freakin'-Three. 33. 

Thirty-three days until I leave the place that I've come to call home during my adult life. Philadelphia has freakin' rocked my socks off. It's killed it every moment of the way.

When I was dead-ass broke with five jobs with hopes of proving to people that I could really make it. When I ventured into a career in the creative industry with a skillset that I loved. When I fell in love with a girl, and learned what real love was in an adult relationship. When my world came crumbling down around me as I faced anxiety, an identity crisis, and parting ways with the love of my life. When my best friend and I's friendship crumbled into mediocre roommateship.

When I decided to focus on my mental health, self-worth, and pursuing my dreams. When I took it upon myself to living a life of my choosing, and not subscribing to a path that I thought was the only way to live. When I decided to part ways with the city I'll always love, and let it go on to better things as I did the same. 

Philadelphia - You killed it. You really fucking did. Thank you. 

Now the hard stuff. The pressure is creeping up on me now. A laundry list of selling all of my stuff, driving 30 hours round-trip in a weekend to drop off stuff at my sister's in Nashville, and preparing emotional goodbyes to those that I hold dear here in this city has started attacking my anxiety. 

This is the hard stuff that people try to prepare you for, but can never fully help with that, as it's your own emotions that only you feel. Especially, when you're tackling all of this by yourself, shit gets tough. I have some good friends and colleagues in my corner. However, shit gets tougher when some support systems flatline. I can take care of myself, but it's extremely challenging when you live in a semi-toxic environment of everything you're trying to cleanse yourself of. 

This is that hard stuff that you'll look back on, and you'll cherish it with every bone in your body as it made you who you became. I won't regret a single moment of any of this pressure. I'm aware that it's stressful, but I'm coping with it. I'm coping by looking forward, and asking myself why I want this adventure in life. Easy answer.

I want purpose.

My purpose is not to stay in a place until I succumb to dysentery of my career and complacency in my personal life. My purpose is to live a life that I always said was too hard, too impossible, and too unattainable. My purpose is to say F*#$ that and any other negative thought that wiggles in my direction. 

I'm here to make art that matters, and I know I can't honestly pursue that when I'm in a situation bound for mundane. Don't get me wrong. I'm always down to stay in, watch Netflix, and look up funny memes on the web while playing with the cat. However, I'm not going to allow myself to remain in a situation where my heart isn't in the right place. 

As my timer winds down on these chapters of my life, I look forward. Not sure of everything that awaits me, but I do know that it is forward. It is what makes going through these hard times worth it. I look forward to sharing my stories with everyone. Stay tuned. It's about to get real. 

Deuces. Kyle. 


Loose Ends Need Tying

Ethixx - A Very Poor Man's Conflict With Modern Morals

Ethixx - A Very Poor Man's Conflict With Modern Morals