If I Fall, If I Die

It's the name of a book that I'm currently slowly reading. The title resonates more than I thought it would.

Anxiety. Anxiety is a big, bad, slap your face with your ass kind of bitch. Quite a visual, I know. It's a feeling of a complete crippled desire to do anything for fear of something that seems totally plausible at any moment. The thought of that moment suffocates any positive thinking, and you find yourself in that constant paranoid thought of what you will be going through. Of course that feeling will last forever, both in your head and for all of eternity. 

This has been my experience for past 3-4 years, and even more so in the past month. A couple of sudden life changes, mixed with an overwhelming fear of not being wanted all contribute to a couple of minor panic attacks that result in a borderline sob to your roommate. The emotions just flood out in whatever form of word vomit that is present, and your body is left vulnerable and depleted from emotional and mental exhaustion. Yep. That shit was me. 

Anywho, I'm not here to talk about how I'm here to turn my life around, and others should follow my path to enlightenment, so that we may find ourselves on the next bus to Valhala. 

I'm here to use this no-name online publication as a means of coping with my own shortcomings as a human being. I set out to use this platform to tell stories that inspired me from all that life has given me. I found out that indeed, life happens, and derails your plans sometimes. This will probably reach all of zero readers since I won't tell anyone about them, until I know what it is, but who cares. I've got shit to keep together. 

I'm rambling now, but looking forward to writing these stories, creating these pieces, and sharing them with those that care. They may not care, but whateva. 

"If I Fall, If I Die" can cripple one who wants to do great things. However, if you fall then that's okay. That's what is being pushed here. It's okay to fall if you know it's okay to fall. It's human nature to bounce back. 

Anywho, first shitty blog post written. Boom Boom Boom. 

Lost in a Life